Rigidity in ideals

# 19 May, 2013 11:43
Troyh	Hey fellow drunkards. Whilst listening to this last episode it bought up some questions that have been mulling over my brain (read: driving me mental) & it relates to the strictness of ideals. This is something I wrote a while ago which was practically part of self therapy, I would be really interested to see what anyone else thought about what I wrote? http://twentytroy.wordpress.com/2013/04/01/the-benefits-dangers-of-rules-based-on-ideals/ As a way to take what I wrote there, the problem I am having trouble dealing with in my mind can be related to Bruce Lee's philosophy. Something I have always taken pride in is sticking to my guns & not compromising on my own values. But now I am having the conundrum of if I myself have strict rules & am not flexible than doesn't that make me weaker? The ability to adapt to a situation is the key principle of Bruce Lee's philosophy's. Please someone help!!! Cheers guys =D quote

# 19 May, 2013 11:43

Hey fellow drunkards.

Whilst listening to this last episode it bought up some questions that have been mulling over my brain (read: driving me mental) & it relates to the strictness of ideals.

This is something I wrote a while ago which was practically part of self therapy, I would be really interested to see what anyone else thought about what I wrote?

http://twentytroy.wordpress.com/2013/04/01/the-benefits-dangers-of-rules-based-on-ideals/

As a way to take what I wrote there, the problem I am having trouble dealing with in my mind can be related to Bruce Lee's philosophy. Something I have always taken pride in is sticking to my guns & not compromising on my own values. But now I am having the conundrum of if I myself have strict rules & am not flexible than doesn't that make me weaker? The ability to adapt to a situation is the key principle of Bruce Lee's philosophy's.

Please someone help!!!

Cheers guys =D

# 25 May, 2013 19:04
Gunbuddhist	Man I'm upset I missed this post by 6 days. I hope I am able to at least be of some help but it's a little difficult when I don't know what exactly you are dealing with when it comes to rules. I too used to have a very long laundry list of rules that I stuck too. Unfortunately my strict rules ended up alienating me. You see my rules included things like; I refuse to be friends with or date anyone who uses drugs. Over time I began to break some rules and stick to others and had lots of other issues going on such as attachment to romantic relationships. The more I practiced meditation the more I realized how my rules were moral judgements of other people not rules for my advancement. I'm not saying that this is what is happening with you but this is how I can relate. The more you are able to open your mind the more you will realize that strict adherence to rules CAN be a source of attachment and that is not what you want. Attachment causes pain and suffering and you definitely have an attachment mindset to your code. If you feel anxiety over how you dealt with past situations instead of mulling them over and over realize that your goal is personal growth and growth is not thinking about who you were. The person you are today is not the same as the person you were years ago. Second think of forgiveness. You have to forgive yourself for being hard on yourself. This is very important. When I was drinking too much and tried to quit I would be so hard on myself for lapsing that I would become filled with stress which only caused me to drink more. The cycle stopped when I learned that discipline is good but discipline only works with an open heart. In the U.S. we think of discipline as punishment so when we break a rule we try to correct that by inflicting judgment on ourselves but the shame we feel is our attachment to an ideal that we may not be able to live up to. This is where the middle path comes in. The middle path isn't all failure on one side or all success on the other. In fact it's not seeing things in terms of failure or success. Try a new set of rules that include things that are more spiritual like I am going to forgive myself for… Realize when you become anxious and try letting it go. I could really feel that all or none mentality when reading through your post. It sounds like relaxation and letting go is what you need. Does that mean you break your code? Possibly. You have to make the decision to break the code. You can't waffle and say I want to break it but I'll be mad at myself if I do. Make sure you make the decision to break the code and that you make a commitment that you will not feel shame for doing so first. I hope this helps and that I have not offended you but know that if you are offended I have already decided to forgive myself for doing so. quote

# 25 May, 2013 19:04

Gunbuddhist

Man I'm upset I missed this post by 6 days. I hope I am able to at least be of some help but it's a little difficult when I don't know what exactly you are dealing with when it comes to rules. I too used to have a very long laundry list of rules that I stuck too. Unfortunately my strict rules ended up alienating me. You see my rules included things like; I refuse to be friends with or date anyone who uses drugs. Over time I began to break some rules and stick to others and had lots of other issues going on such as attachment to romantic relationships. The more I practiced meditation the more I realized how my rules were moral judgements of other people not rules for my advancement. I'm not saying that this is what is happening with you but this is how I can relate. The more you are able to open your mind the more you will realize that strict adherence to rules CAN be a source of attachment and that is not what you want. Attachment causes pain and suffering and you definitely have an attachment mindset to your code. If you feel anxiety over how you dealt with past situations instead of mulling them over and over realize that your goal is personal growth and growth is not thinking about who you were. The person you are today is not the same as the person you were years ago. Second think of forgiveness. You have to forgive yourself for being hard on yourself. This is very important. When I was drinking too much and tried to quit I would be so hard on myself for lapsing that I would become filled with stress which only caused me to drink more. The cycle stopped when I learned that discipline is good but discipline only works with an open heart. In the U.S. we think of discipline as punishment so when we break a rule we try to correct that by inflicting judgment on ourselves but the shame we feel is our attachment to an ideal that we may not be able to live up to. This is where the middle path comes in. The middle path isn't all failure on one side or all success on the other. In fact it's not seeing things in terms of failure or success. Try a new set of rules that include things that are more spiritual like I am going to forgive myself for… Realize when you become anxious and try letting it go. I could really feel that all or none mentality when reading through your post. It sounds like relaxation and letting go is what you need. Does that mean you break your code? Possibly. You have to make the decision to break the code. You can't waffle and say I want to break it but I'll be mad at myself if I do. Make sure you make the decision to break the code and that you make a commitment that you will not feel shame for doing so first. I hope this helps and that I have not offended you but know that if you are offended I have already decided to forgive myself for doing so.

# 28 May, 2013 11:50
Troyh	Gunbuddhist, thank you so so much for your input. As you can probably imagine by the written piece I am having some serious issues trying to work out in my mind. I read your reply last night & honestly just need to contemplate the points that you bought up. I wish I could give you a more detailed reply at the moment but I haven't had time to fully weigh up everything. Once again thank you so much for replying to the post, it means so much to me. You had some fantastic points & I am taking everything that you said to heart & apologize that I haven't got more to say right now other than thank you. quote

# 28 May, 2013 11:50

Troyh

Gunbuddhist, thank you so so much for your input. As you can probably imagine by the written piece I am having some serious issues trying to work out in my mind.

I read your reply last night & honestly just need to contemplate the points that you bought up. I wish I could give you a more detailed reply at the moment but I haven't had time to fully weigh up everything.

Once again thank you so much for replying to the post, it means so much to me. You had some fantastic points & I am taking everything that you said to heart & apologize that I haven't got more to say right now other than thank you.